Fortune cookie

From the fortune cookie:

A wish will be granted after a long delay

2 15 17 19 23 . 16

I wonder what wish this one is talking about. I have a million and of those, I really really would like to know of all things, my sexual orientation. Seriously.

Today I went out with Liv for dinner and we got to talking about our sad lives. Which for me, comes back to the blind dating. So anyway, I had been thinking about the date that Jenn set me up with and, I'm not feeling it. So I called Jenn back because we set up a time for dinner tomorrow and I got to talking about how my second date went. I have a long history of denying what I really feel. I am beginning to think that it's a mild case of some psychological syndrome. Or whatever. So... I had called and told her that I really thought that my date and I could possibly hit it off. And now I tell her the opposite. Seriously, I have a problem. Anyway, I called and made it clear today about how I felt so that's that. There was no attraction on my side, yet again.

But back to dinner with Liv. She had set me up with a co-worker as well and from the get go I could tell that nothing was going to happen. Liv and a female co-worker had set him up for me were hoping for the best. After the date, the female co-worker mentioned to Liv that perhaps I wasn't into guys and maybe I'd be interested in meeting her instead... I am sure Liv told her about my inability to like guys or something, you know, like those girls who fall in love every month with a different person. That and the fact that I like effeminate guys. Or like guys who tun out to be gay. I asked Liv if she was serious and she was. In Liv's words, I should "explore my options". Maybe I should.

Some years back I was thinking that perhaps I did swing the other way. What deterred me was that I really wasn't attracted to any person at that time. In high school, girls were friends and guys were immature dorks with a bad obsession to anime (not that anime was bad, like Claymore is awesome, but can we not talk about it all the time!). This was the period where I had a light crush on these two guys who turned out to be gay. Go figure. Is it an unconscious ability I have to pick out the "safe" ones? What a riot. I also have girl crushes too. And that's ok but, maybe I might have something more than that but I was suppressing it? Is that even possible? Most people know what they like by now, so why not me? Aargh!!!!

So, the conclusion is either:

I am a lesbian in denial

I am still asexual - but I'm in denial so I make up fake crushes/fantasies and they turn out to be gay

I haven't met the right guy because I'm so damn picky

I haven't met the right woman because I'm in denial, but she would have made me realize I was a lesbian by now

I don't have a mental capability to deal with this right now, I don't have my life together so how do I expect to date without issues?

I think way way too much about this


I'm opting for the last one because no matter how much I think about it, I'm still confused. So right now I'm putting dating guys on the back burner. As for girls, who knows.